Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The air was thick with penises
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are the jesus of drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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