I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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