How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
