Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
