Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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