a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
