I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
