okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
