I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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