i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
