"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
