You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
