you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
