I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
