You just made me feel so damn special
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
