I need help removing her.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
