you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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