You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
