Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
