i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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