I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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