considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
