I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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