I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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