I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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