feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
