your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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