We won't sleep together?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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