He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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