chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
