Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
