I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
how drunk are you?
Several
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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