my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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