i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
this is an emotional support booty call
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
