everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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