I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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