It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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