Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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