kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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