we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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