I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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