Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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