i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
