I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize