I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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