My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
