I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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