So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
