I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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