I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
