New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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