i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
