i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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