My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
