Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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