I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
