No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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