hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
