I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
