Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
