Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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