I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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