i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
