I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
