I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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