My liver just broke up with me...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone signed my nipple.
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