Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
