I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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